God I miss blogging. I read others well written blogs, sharing bit and pieces of their day to day and I miss blogging so much that it creates a little ache inside. Most of the time I am inspired after reading others' blogs and I begin to write, composing bits and pieces in a Word document that I can't ever seem to finish. The initial surge is great, but the ability to wrap up the thoughts into a cohesive package to neatly deliver as an entry is not possible. There is still simply too much to write about.
But instead of holding myself hostage between what is and what is not acceptable to write about here I have decided that writing is more important to me then not writing at all. I just need to come up with topics to write about that are not so deeply personal that it will hurt my family members for sharing their story, or so deeply personal that my family members will be upset that I am sharing it here and not with them.
So, inspired by Sweetney I am going to spend February writing about people that I love. Because here is what I have come to realize recently, we don't tell those that matter to us, how much they matter to us, nearly enough. Sure we say "I love you" during phone calls or emails or text messages. Sure we kiss our significant others and tell them that we love them, but do we ever really say why? Do we ever, or very often, take the time to share with those that matter to us, why they matter to us? Life is busy and life is fast. And I have gotten so caught up in the busy and the fast and the down right crap of life recently, that I haven't come up for air. I have surrounded myself with my little family cocoon, in sheer survival mode really. But it's time to come up for air. It's time to accept this current space as our reality and make the best out of this current reality no matter how craptastic it tends to be.
And so I am going to share stories and anecdotes about the people in my life who help get me out of bed every morning. If the words flow as easily as I hope that they will, it will take me much longer then a month to get through this. But it is someplace to start, I think. Someplace to find my own blogging voice again. A way to find my way back.
Today I am grateful for my marriage. It is my humble opinion that life can not have all of the pieces working perfectly together at any given time. For instance to have your relationship with your spouse, your job, your finances, your family, all moving forward in perfect harmony is about as likely as the childhood Andrea (that's me in case you were wondering) getting to be Princess Leia when she grew up. Right now there are some pieces of our life that are downright craptastic (job, finances, the loss of family members) but our marriage, I am proud to say, is strong.
I think that it is fair to admit (and I hope that David would agree with me on this one too) that it has not always been easy for us. We have had to work on the success of our marriage from the beginning. And I will be the first to admit that I had no freakin' idea what people truly meant when they said that "marriages are work". I smiled and thought I knew, but oh boy, I really didn't have a freakin' clue. But we have continued to plug away, learning from each other, and learning how to exist not only as husband and wife, but as people who genuinely care about the other person, people who are proud to call each other a friend. I believe whole heartedly that to stay in love you really do have to work at it, each and every day.
I am really proud of the two of us. And not only that, I am really proud of my husband. He has faced some really hard things in the past year. He has been given a lousy hand of cards and he has been playing the heck out of that hand, refusing to fold. And because I have seen him fighting for us, for our team, I have been motivated to fight to. And together it feels like we have been kicking life's butt right back. Sure life, you can throw crap our way, but we refuse to let you get the best of us. And today, that is what I am so grateful for. I am so grateful that we are staying strong and united. I love my marriage, its imperfections and all. Yes, we still make each other crazy and we have many days when we don't chose our words so carefully and push each other's buttons just because we can. But it's because we have been able to pick ourselves up from those days and not let them turn into weeks and then months that I am also proud. On March 30th we will have been together, on and off, for 18 years. In June we will have been married for 5. I'm proud of how far we have come and I love that today, I can truly say, that I love my marriage.
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